I’m a man, I’m a husband, I’m a father of 2 boys, and my life just sucks. Don’t prejudice too fast on me, and let me tell you why life just sucks because of these reasons.
I’m a father, married man, and our first son Philip was born 2.5 years ago on a cold Thursday morning in February. It was really an awesome feeling to hold your own baby in your hands. But you have to be aware of the fact, that you are a man, a father, and not a woman, and not the mother. After Philip’s birth, my wife and Philip had to stay a few more days in the hospital, just to check that everything is fine with them. Every day the nurse told me how I have to hold my baby (e.g. you have to stabilize the head, because there are no muscles there after the birth). They are telling you this every day, because you are a man, you can’t know these tiny little facts after their first “introduction”.
We are a very open family, which means it doesn’t bother for us, who is doing what in our household. I was staying up in the night, when Philip was crying, I have changed his swaddling bands, I have stayed with him, when he couldn’t sleep during the night, so that at least my wife was able to get some sleep. That’s the great part of being a father.
I’ve also done a lot of different activities alone with Philip, because after 1.5 years my wife started to work again for some hours during the week. We were going to a near lake, feeding pigeons, and we were doing various other things. I really liked this time – did I? Just imagine you have to change his swaddling bands while you are not at home. A wife just goes to a public toilet, and there is some space where you can change his swaddling bands without any interruptions and without any questions. But as a man, as a father you don’t have this option. Your only option is to the gent’s toilet, but how you will change his swaddling bands there? There are just 2 options: directly on the floor, or directly in the urinal… not very handy, trust me… The other more interesting option is just to use a woman’s toilet. Just imagine you are standing at the changing table in the woman’s toilet, your baby is full of shi…, its summer, you wear short trousers, a lady enters the room, and the first thing she sees are your hairy legs… “Oh my god, there’s a man, there’s a man, I need help, I need help!!!!” You reaction: take your baby as fast as possible and run, run, – run for your life!
I’ve also visited with Philip every Monday for 1.5 hours a baby gaming round. I think it’s almost the same as Tubber parties, but just with babies. But there is one important difference: you are a man, a father, in a round of mothers. They are looking at you surprisingly, they are thinking how the hell he should handle that baby, when the swaddling bands are full of shi… etc. To get their acceptance there is only one option: you have to join their discussions. Easy isn’t it? They are talking about their latest lingerie shopping trips, about their latest love toys they have acquired, and how bad their last night was because of their awkwardly mans. So you will remain the outsider…
Normally you will say, why the heck you should care of these little things, you are a man, you are a father, just enjoy your life with your dears. But today my whole opinion just changed with one small sentence. But let’s start from the beginning. Since Monday this week Philip goes to the kindergarten – for 3 hours after the morning until lunch. Our second son Daniel was born exactly 4 weeks ago. For that reason, my wife and I have decided that we want to bring Philip together to the kindergarten for the first days, so that he is not in troubles when my wife or I are bringing him alone to the kindergarten. Sometimes our nights are currently a little bit challenging because of Daniel, therefore our plan was that I’m bringing him alone to the kindergarten after such nights, as long as my travel schedule permits it.
There is also a so-called familiarization phase of one month at the kindergarten, so that the kids are phased into that new world as smooth as possible. So their general rule of thumb is that only one part (mother or father) should bring the kid to the kindergarten. But we were going both, because my wife can’t just go with Philip AND Daniel, who is just 4 weeks old. His swaddling bands are ALWAYS full of shi…, and he is always hungry, and my wife is feeding him. So the only option to support my wife is that I’m coming along with her and help were I can. We have done this yesterday for the first time, and everything was fine. But today’s morning was different!
When we entered the kindergarten, the female director of the kindergarten was coming straight to my wife, and started talking to her: “Hello Mrs. Aschenbrenner. You know it’s not allowed and permitted that you and your “man” (her finger was pointing to me in the background) are coming both to the kindergarten? You also have to follow our rules. There are no exceptions to this.” I just though OMG…
Then she looked directly at me and said the following sentence directly into my eyes: “Fathers are not welcomed during the familiarization phase, because the mother is the psychological parent of the child.” Just for my German readers: “Väter sind nicht erwünscht während der Eingewöhnungsphase, weil die Mutter die Bezugsperson des Kindes ist“.
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I’m a man, I’m a husband, I’m a father of 2 boys, and my life just sucks.
-Klaus
